Recently, I joined a familial celebration to recognize my niece’s 18th birthday. It was a joyous yet saddening time. My niece was in high spirits to order her first alcoholic spirits with dinner out (and even more pleased to proudly display her newly-acquired photo identification to our waitress as proof of age when requested …); however, her mother and I were somewhat saddened by the experience.
Our little girl is growing up. We were reminded of this by reminiscing over old photo albums before leaving for the restaurant that evening. We laughed and we cried. There were pictures of a first birthday party and pictures of the first time the young girl discovered her mother’s make-up.
While the make-up incident wasn’t pretty, this demonstrated the obvious desire of a girl wanting to be just like “mom” and all grown up … a sentiment echoed by children everywhere. Children want to become adults; adults want children to remain young. Obviously, one cannot stop the course of natural aging, but what is a perplexed parent to do?
The answer is to closely monitor the child’s actions to see if he/she is maturing too quickly. Consider the following questions:
- Do your children wish to wear clothing, watch television shows, listen to music, read books or visit Internet sites designed for older children?
- Do your children pretend to know everything that there is to know?
- Do your children become easily bored?
- Who are your children’s friends? Are they much older and what type of influence are they?
Depending on how you answer these questions, you can rightfully pull in the reins, but only somewhat. You cannot and should not imprison your child and refuse him/her all access to the world around us. It is all about balance … letting your child be independent but never forsaking the innocence of youth. Yet, this does remain an ethical dilemma.
I believe that parents will always complain that their children grow up too fast. Children, in turn, cannot wait to be adults. There are growing pains experienced all around. All in all, I still find this somewhat disconcerting. The tiny baby I once rocked in one arm has matured to become a beautiful young woman. At 18, she is now an adult. We can both visit a bar and maybe we should … perhaps I could use a drink?
Article by Rick Lauber is a published freelance writer whose work has been featured in numerous newspapers and magazines. When not writing, Rick enjoys visiting his favourite second-hand CD stores, taking long walks and playing pool. rlauber@canada.com.
