• Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery.
  • A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.
  • A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
  • A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
  • Corduroy pillows are making headlines.
  • Sea captains don't like crew cuts.
  • Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
  • A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
  • A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.
  • Reading while sunbathing makes you well, red.
  • A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
  • Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
  • When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
  • A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
  • What's the definition of a will? (Come on, it's a dead giveaway!)
  • A backwards poet writes inverse.
  • In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism, your count votes.
  • A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
  • If you don't pay your exorcist, will you get repossessed?
  • With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
  • Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I'll show you a flat minor.
  • If a clock is hungry does it go back four seconds?
  • The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
  • A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
  • You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
  • Every calendar's days are numbered.
  • A lot of money is tainted. It t'aint yours and it t'aint mine.
  • A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
  • He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
  • The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
  • Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
  • Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
  • When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
  • Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
  • Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
  • Acupuncture is a jab well done.