When our children are infants, we can't wait to hear their first word. As parents we never expect to hear swear or cuss words come out of their mouths. We didn't teach them to say those words or maybe we accidentally said some during a time of stress. Either way our children should not say those words and there are ways to help our children lessen their chances of saying these types of inappropriate words.
Why Do Children Swear?
Children as young as two have been known to say a swear word. I still remember the time when my oldest who was two years old at the time, now he's almost nine years old, said his first swear word in our minivan. My husband became extremely upset about something and he accidentally said a swear word. My son heard it and said it. We were both shocked and amazed at that moment, but now that we think about it we were not. He is quite a sponge and was simply copying what his father was modeling for him. From then on, our oldest son brought it to our attention that we need to think before we speak no matter how angry or upset we may get. There are other reasons why children swear as listed below:
- Express their feelings
- Gain attention from parents
- Gain attention from peers
- Believe this is the only way to "fit in" with their peers
- Test boundaries at home and school
- Copying behaviors modeled by others (i.e. adults, peers, siblings, etc.)
Prevention Ideas
Now that we have a better understanding why children will swear, we need to find out things that we as parents can do to
. If we are proactive, we can help lessen the likelihood of our children swearing. Listed below are some ideas that could help:
- Model how to speak appropriately to and with others
- Discuss what to say or how to handle a situation that may cause your child to swear (i.e. anger, frustration, stress, etc.)
- Teach your child to think before they speak (as part of their anger control skills if applicable)
- Teach your child how to express their feeling appropriately
- Role play possible situations that they may feel the need to swear
- Teach problem solving skills
- Teach how to relieve stress during stressful moments
- Discuss with your child how they can ask for help and that it is okay to ask for help
- Discuss the consequences of swearing
My Child Swears, Now What?
Even after our best attempts of being proactive, our children may still swear. There are several things that you can do to help your child when they do swear either at home or in the community as listed below:
- Teach them how to verbally express their feelings appropriately (I'm mad, I'm sad, etc.)
- Let them know which words are not appropriate (if new ones come up address those words as well that they are not appropriate and that your family does not say those words)
- Discuss in a calm tone why swear words are not appropriate
- Discuss what the word(s) mean (only do this with older children)
- Talk about how others will perceive them when they use swear words
- Identify the reason why your child is swearing and address it (i.e. anger, attention, stressed out, etc.)
It is important to remember that if your child does use a swear word to stay calm and address it in a way that your child will understand. Many children, especially
, do not truly understand what swear words mean. They say them because they have heard them being used or they want to get other people's attention. We want our children to learn how to speak appropriately while at the same time being able to express themselves. Both can be achieved.
