In popular television and literature it is often implied that mostly men suffer from a fear of commitment and intimacy. In reality the fear of commitment can be held as much by women as by men.
So what is a fear of commitment?
A fear of commitment is also known as commitmentphobia, a term coined by Carter and Sokol in the popular book Men Who Can’t Love (1987). People who fear commitment often claim to want and desire a long term relationship but choose inappropriate partners in such endeavors. This undermining of relationship undermining can have devastating effects in all aspects of the commitmentphobe’s life. Other symptoms of someone with a fear of commitment might include a strong inability to make decisions regarding their employment and other day to day decisions. Commitmentphobes are terrible decision makers.
Origins of Fear of Intimacy
So where does that fear of commitment come from? Tracing the roots of commitmentphobia can be a complex issue. The fear of commitment could come from a fear of making a wrong choice and therefore leads to only bad choices. Others may perceive a commitment as a loss of freedom and therefore something to flee at all costs. Some people fear commitments because of a poor track record. They have been burned before in relationships and to avoid being taken advantage of they simply choose not to commit.
Fantasy and Self Destruction
People who fear commitment or intimacy usually have a rich fantasy life where their desire for a commitment is fulfilled. Commitmentphobes may also exhibit self-destructive behaviors where they walk out on bad situations without giving warning or notice. This might include walking out on an unsatisfying job or relationship.Overcoming the Fear of Intimacy
So what can you do to overcome a fear of commitment? Start journaling. Keeping a written record of your daily thoughts and actions can help you to literally keep track of your reoccurring themes in your life. If you have a fear of commitment journaling makes it easier to spot the problem. If you want to get over your commitmentphobia you might also consider going into talk therapy. Scientific studies have shown that talk therapy has the power to alter your brain chemistry positively as taking anti-depressants.
