It has been decades since Dale Carnegie wrote his classic book, How to Win Friends and Influence People. And while that title has gone on to become almost a cliché, this book still has a popular theme that still instructs and sells copies in the 21st century. As humans we are social animals who need to have human interactions and friendships to lead happy, healthy lives that are rich with experiences. For many though, it seems that the art of finding and maintaining friendships is an elusive skill that is hard to achieve and maintain.
So what are the rules to finding and maintaining friendships that can sustain us through good times and bad hopefully for the rest of our lives?
I used to think that finding a friend meant finding someone just like me. I have since realized that as a unique person I needed to find friends with similar interests but not necessarily someone that shared all of my opinions. Find friends who like to do the same things as you (go on walks, go to the movies, visit museums) but don’t expect them to have the exact same opinions or point of view. Ideally, friends are people who are good to bounce ideas off of, who can be honest with you and not just always agree with you.
Be Generous With Your Friends
This doesn’t have to mean that you give your friends money or lavish gifts, it could mean that you are generous with your time or with small favors. Helping a friend move or walking their dog for them is a nice way to show you care without spending a lot of money. In the words of James Taylor, “Shower the people you love with love, show them the way that you feel.
Don’t Judge Your Friend
Unless your friend is Dexter, don’t judge them. Friends need unconditional support no matter the circumstances. Try to remain supportive of your friend no matter how much they seem to be foundering personally or professionally. Be there for your friend to listen to them, this may be when they need your friendship the most.
Look for a Healthy Balance
Try to take turns in planning activities with friends. You don’t always want to be the initiator nor is it fair to make the other friend the constant inviter or initiator of activities. Friends give and take because it is enjoyable.
Diversity
Look for a variety of friends who can be available to you for a variety of activities. By diversity, I mean age, race and demographic. I like to have young friends, older friends, married couple friends and single friends. I also have male and female friends, as well as friends from all over the globe.
So get out there and find some friends!
