While so me people may have fairly sane and functional families, others have high maintenance and dysfunctional families. When getting together for the holidays it may be difficult to navigate the emotional landmines encountered along the way. Holidays like Christmas may also magnify the problems and issues in our families. So what can you do to minimize the amount of emotional damage you may suffer this holiday season?
Expect the Worst – If you have alcoholic relatives, expect them to be at their drunken worst. If you have angry and rageful relatives, expect them to be at their absolute angriest and worst. By expecting the worst you can allow yourself to be pleasantly surprised if your relatives are merely tipsy or snarky, instead of full on raging or drunk. I know, it sounds funny, but it is absolutely true.
Set a Time Limit – If your family is particularly toxic you might want to set a limit for how much time you spend with your family. Let them know up front, “I have to leave at X o’clock to go somewhere else.” This way even if your family holiday scene is totally chaotic and dysfunctional you know you have your escape plan in place.
Do Not Engage – Everybody has a family member that likes to discuss unpopular topics, maybe it’s religion, politics or perhaps a detailed description of their latest medical ailment. Do not engage them in conversation and try to escape the clutches of their focus of attention.
Arrange a Phone Call – If you feel uncomfortable setting limits with your family arrange for a friend to call you at a pre-arranged time. You can use this phone call to make your escape. “Something has come up I have to leave.”
Don’t Take It Personally – I know, this is a hard one, especially if you have a long and difficult history with your family. But when your mom tells you to get your haircut or your dad asks you when you’re going to get married, just ignore and move on. Imagine that you have a silver shield of sanity that surrounds and protects you from anything toxic or icky.
So enjoy your Christmas but prepare yourself for contact with your dysfunctional family so that you can escape emotionally unscathed.
You can read more about holiday survival techniques here.
