During this life, we will all experience the emotional pain of being hurt by another. Betrayals of trust, hurtful words and downright cruelty can understandably be very painful. Letting go of that emotional pain can be very hard to do. But when we don't let it go, we can get stuck in a cycle of hurt, distrust and anger that keeps us from fully experiencing the joys of life. This is where forgiveness comes in, for being able to forgive can release so much of that hurt and anger. However, the ability to forgive can be much easier said than done. One reason, is that we often confuse forgiveness with condoning someone's hurtful actions. But forgiveness does not mean condoning the harm done, or erasing the past. It's about letting go, and moving ahead to a place of greater peace.
Acknowledge the Pain
Forgiveness is about healing the emotional pain we're feeling, and the first step is to admit we've been hurt. Explore your feelings of hurt, betrayal or sadness without getting caught up, or stuck, in those feelings. Talk it out with a friend, or write out what you're feeling. This allows you to acknowledge the pain, and move forward toward forgiveness.
Remain Centered
Resist the temptation to respond with hatred or bitterness toward the person or situation. When we respond in such a way, we only become part of the problem, instead of the resolution. Consciously focus on staying in a calm, centered place so that you can see the hurtful situation with clear perspective and work toward moving on. Meditation or prayer can be helpful ways to stay centered.
Learn from the Experience
Life can be filled with valuable lessons, and hurtful experiences are no different. Perhaps the lesson is to release yourself from a toxic relationship, deal with unresolved anger, or develop greater compassion. Or perhaps you can learn from mistakes you may have made that contributed to the painful situation. These lessons can help you avoid similar situations in the future, and offer opportunities for personal growth.
See the Other Person's Side
Turn the situation around and try to see it from the other person's point of view. Perhaps a miscommunication occurred and the person had no idea they'd hurt your feelings. Or, the person could be going through a tough time and verbally lashed out. You may even realize that you've made similar mistakes yourself in the past. Looking at the other person's side does not excuse their actions if they've done you harm. But it does teach greater compassion and helps us to see the big picture.
Focus on the Positives
The act of forgiveness holds many advantages that can positively impact our lives. It brings peace of mind, and makes us stronger. It brings relief, feels good, and allows us to move forward. Letting go of anger and grudges is emotionally and physically beneficial. Research has found that forgiveness is associated with lower blood pressure, as well as the reduction of depression, fatigue and overall stress. Rather than viewing forgiveness as weakness, which it is not, allow yourself to see its positive side.
Be Committed to the Process
Forgiveness is a process that takes time, especially if the emotional wound is deep. Be patient with yourself, and allow yourself to work through those feelings of hurt and anger, while moving towards resolution. Once you've made the choice to forgive, stay committed to that process.
Keep these strategies in mind as you work toward letting go of the hurt, and moving forward with your life. At times it may be seemingly impossible to forgive, and find resolution. This can especially be the case when one has experienced severe emotional trauma or a violent act. In such cases, it may be helpful to seek the assistance of a counselor who can guide you through the healing process and offer support.
